Enough is enough

What is enough?

I am going to be honest. [I think I start a lot of posts this way.] But I don't get enough of Jesus. And it is my own fault most of the time. Now I know that in some proverbial way we can never get enough of Jesus. But spending time in prayer, reading the bible, meditating on his truths? We don't have to. But if I am loving Jesus I will want to. As a mom I often find myself at a loss. A loss of time. A loss of wakefulness. A loss of...shall I even say sanity sometimes?

Let me explain. This is what my mornings look like. Most of the time.
I sleep.
Until I hear the kids stirring or more than stirring...whipping around their rooms in a flurry of clothing, toys, and giggles.

And the other mornings? I wake early. I want time with God. Time in the quiet. AND... one of the kids hears me get up and they get, and they get up the others. And I ask them to go back to their rooms till I get them. And one of the three ends up needed a little more help obeying...

Or this morning. I woke up at 6:05am. No kids stirring this time. I tip-toed downstairs, grabbed my bible and started some much needed coffee. I sit down in my favorite comfy chair AND I notice a pile of puppy vomit on the carpet two feet in front of me. He ate one of the kids socks again and somehow I missed seeing it in the dim-light of dawn. I cannot ignore the vomit. I get up to clean it. I am amazed once again at the number of things that can thwart my time with God. [I did get some good reading in after that, all tinged with the smell of gross doggy stomach contents.]

So I am wondering this morning, how on earth I get enough of Jesus. Or even a little more of Him. When it sometimes feels as though all of life is making it impossible. Ya know? I would love to hear other Mom's thoughts. I've even begun, somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind, to give up.

But I have been thinking about one thing. As a mom I cannot compartmentalize my walk with God. Meaning, if I believe that praying, reading my Bible, and doing "church things" is the only way to know God more and experience him, then by the end of my grueling years as a mom, there might not be any real love of Jesus left. Cause lets be honest, kids and households and life steals your time as a mom. And it seems that nearly everything involving kids is urgent. I have to learn to see God in and amongst my daily moments. Is Jesus somewhere in the vomit? Well maybe he isn't, but he can certainly redeem it. Can I find Jesus in the mountains on my drive to the store, in the small conversations with my kids, in the cooking of dinner or the packing for vacation. Can I find Jesus in decisions made with my husband, hiking, exercising, or doing laundry? He should be in those things, right? He MADE those things, right?

So that is what I am thinking about this morning, as the sun slowly brightens the Wasatch sky. The Wasatch, those mountains that are slowly becoming mine. And as the vomit smell slowly dissipates.

The kids will start stirring soon. I hope I can help them to see Jesus in ALL of life to.

All about Esme

This post is in honor of our youngest little girl, who turned two! Wow! You always know two is right around the corner when they master the words, "No mom!" and use them frequently. But other fun things have been emerging in her personality. Like for instance, she seems to be our little peace-keeper. Whenever someone is frustrate, crying or mad (Mommy included) she is the first to give a hug and say, "it ok, I yuve (love) you!"

Here are a few more things we love: Ezzie loves to sing and dance. We went to a University of Utah gymnastics meet last week and she danced in the aisle to the music the entire time. She is usually smiling, or expressing some other vast emotion across her expressive face. She is permanently attached to her tutu right now. She is our most laid back child but also the most stubborn...

We had a blast with all her little friends. Even though the house barely survived...

Happy Birthday Babe!

!

My 1st photo shoot... her second baby on the way!

Well, as I mentioned before, I am doing some more photography around here and working on some assignments. I will be posting them (both the assignments and the results) under "Projects" if your interested in that sort of thing. .

The other week I had my first maternity shoot with a good friend of mine, Brittany Henderson. I have been frequenting the local climbing gym with her and her baby bump but now I got to capture her in her home, just relaxing. It was a blast! And who doesn't LOVE little Scottie?!

All too fast, I say.

In perfect Erickson style [we are a tad on the spontaneous side], we dismantled Ezzie's crib on Sunday night, which led to us unbunking the beds and realizing we didn't really need the changing table anymore. Which means... we went from one room that shouted "there is a baby here!" To a room that speaks of little girls, growing up way too fast. When they were all babies I couldn't imagine them ever getting bigger.  But they did. And now I cannot make them stop, I guess I never could.

So mamas, enjoy those little warm snuggles. They will start moving all to quickly.  And when they do you will roll and tumble and gain momentum and fly past potty training and bigger beds and bed rails and riding a bike, and before you know it your child will be...well still a child but more like a blur.  Ever moving, every changing, ever growing and learning and doing. This is all a part of it I suppose. But then every mom must be allowed her nostalgic moments...

Got to start somewhere...

We went to the Faithwalkers Conference this year- like we do every year.  I guess you can say it is as close to a tradition as anything.  Only this year was different. So many dear friends from Colorado and El Paso and Phoenix and now SLC. But even more than that, both Chris and I left knowing God had stirred and changed something deep in our hearts.

I spent the last couple days trying to figure out where to start. In terms of blogging about them.  But I am coming up short and having a hard time putting it into words.  So I am going to start easy and warm up to it.

So here is one thing I felt led to do at Faithwalkers: Come up with one verse for each letter of the alphabet and have  the kids [and subsequently me] memorize them. Now they aren't perfect.  I never did find a verse that starts with the letter 'x'.  And for many of the verses it is the second word that matches its letter.  But we all get the point.

The verses are a mix of ones they already know, I want them to know, or addressing some sort of sin habit in their lives.  So you might learn alot about our weaknesses over here by reading them!  But here they are:

A Apply your heart of knowledge and your ears to words of wisdom. Proverbs 23:12
B But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
C A cheerful look brings joy to the heart. Prov. 15:30
D Do not add to his words. Prov. 30:6a
E Every word of God is flawless; Prov. 30:5
F For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whomever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John3:16
G A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Prov 15:1
H Honor your mother and father. Deut. 5:16
I I will hasten and not delay to obey your commands. Ps. 119:60
J Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men. Luke 3:52
K Know that the Lord is God.  It is he who made us, and we are his. Ps. 100:3
L Listen when your Father corrects you.  Don't neglect your mother's instruction. Prov. 1:8
M For Man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. James 1:20
N The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe. Prov. 18:10
O Obey your parents in everything for this pleases the Lord. Col. 3:20
P Pray for those who hurt you. Luke 6:28
Q Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. James 1:19
R Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Prov. 12:18
S My son, if sinners entice you, do not give in to them. Prov. 1:10
T Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Prov. 3:5
U Unfriendly people care only about themselves. Prov. 18:1
V He holds victory in store for the upright. Prov. 2:7
W The wise in heart accept commands, but a chattering fool comes to ruin. Prov. 10:8
X May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ. Gal. 6:14
Y Your hands made me and formed me; Ps 119: 73a
Z Zeal for your house will consume me. John 2:17b

How the grinch stole mommy's heart:

For the last 5 years Chris and I have fought a battle I never thought we would... the battle of movie watching. No- not the classic "kids are watching too much TV" battle but instead our oldest daughter wouldn't/couldn't sit though even 5 minutes of a movie unless strapped to her car seat with the DVD player in front of her.

Really this isn't much of a problem- but when tension is running high, and dinner is cooking [burning] and I need 20 minutes to get it all under control, I really wanted/needed them to sit in front of a movie or read a book. I asked myself, "am I really going to pick this fight?"  Yes. I did.  And I won it, more or less.

All this aside - Christmas rolled around and I realized we had no Christmas movies, not a single one. Nor had my kids ever even heard of things like "the Grinch" or even Rudolph. Here is where many parents would see me as failing completely. So I went out and spent my $7 on a DVD copy of the OLD "How the Grinch Stole Christmas."

Well, last week Chris was gone and I was gone too. Totally frustrated, tired and worn out. Luckily we were on the way to the airport to pick up said husband. And from the backseat Bells starts to pray out loud. I cannot repeat the whole prayer- she actually prayed the entire 15 minute drive. She prayed for her Dad to stay safe, for her Mom to get rested (that melted my heart), for her siblings to know the real God...but most beautifully she started to pray for her own heart. About how she gets so excited about Christmas presents but that isn't what Christmas is really about. She asked God to help her be happy and still sing to Jesus even if she woke up on Christmas and the Grinch stole everything. She told God she was a sinner and need his help and thanked Jesus for living in her heart.

Needless to say I was softening by the moment.  How could I stay angry and frustrated with such displays of humility in the back seat?

So the Grinch stole my heart... or really the Spirit did. But who knew a Dr. Seuss story could lead a child's heart toward the things of God in such profound ways? I won't underestimate the power of a little Christmas movie in the future... or the power of my really big God.

The Kid Project

Well, we moved our Kid Project blog this week to kidproject.org. After launching this morning, I am uttering a big sigh of relief. Actually, after I have the next two weeks worth of posts (we leave for Oregon Saturday morning) scheduled, then I can really relax.

I never thought I'd be a blogger. That I would enjoy it so much. Or that I would now have two blogs. But I've always loved to write. After having kid #3, someone asked me what I like to do for fun and my honest response was, "sleep." Followed closely by, "I don't have hobbies anymore." Becoming a Mom is one of the biggest adjustments a person can go through. And in fact many hobbies do go out the window and many have to. Being a parent pushes your daily sacrifices way up.

But as Ezzie passed the "sleeping through the night" mark and on to the "not nursing anymore" mark- I found myself with a bit more energy, hence a bit more time since napping wasn't as necessary. I began to ask myself, what do you love to do, and are there a few things that would nourish your mothering instead of distracting from it. Writing, climbing, and reading (as long as I don't get absorbed into a fiction novel) are some of those hobbies for me. They keep me sane. They help me reflect on what God is teaching me, where I have failed, and what I am really doing with my life.

So here's to a busy week: a newly launched blog, a daughter being home schooled, two others being "toddler" schooled (you mom's of toddlers know what I mean), a house that is getting new siding and windows, a husband who is working hard and doing a class today, making turkey and a cake for house church, a 14 hour road trip in 3 days and a busy holiday season! What a week!
P.S: That little cottage we rented on the coast of Oregon for two nights? Cannot come soon enough!

New siding in the back, door coming soon!

Three little helpers in the kitchen.

To the moon?

 To commemorate the first snow of the year the Ericksons went on a first class adventure up Little Cottonwood Canyon to Snowbird- to watch it fall softly on the vacant runs.  I would like to say it was peaceful up there- but honestly it was snowing so hard it was a little alarming!  Or at least the air was energized with that "start of a new season" feeling.  Cars were driving like they'd never seen the stuff before, parking lots were filling up with cross country and back country skiers already starting their season, cops were blocking off the canyon roads and only letting 4-wheel-drive and chains continue on.  I would like to say this was an unusual storm- but it was very usual- habitually Utah as we have learned.

We drove by the towering rock walls we had climbed only 7 days before.  Things are a changing around here.  Climbing season is on its way out.  And ski season is weeks away.  As for the kiddos, they didn't understand why we didn't bring their skis, and why the lifts weren't running...all in due time.

So we are excited to start a new chapter of the year as 2011 comes to a close.  I am sad outdoor climbing is done for the year, but excited to adventure around Alta with the kids.  Saturday night the skies cleared, and the moon came out.

Abishai asked, "Dad, can I walk on the moon?"

Chris: "The outlook is poor, son." 

Abs: "Why?"

Chris: "Because it is really expensive to get to the moon."

 Abs: "Dad, does it cost 30 dollars?"

Oh Abs...I wish.

 

 

Where the rubber meets the road...

Every once in awhile- okay really every couple weeks, maybe every couple months, I find myself listlessly wandering the house.  Looking to buy something, to start something new, to go on vacation, or to escape into a movie/book/anything really...  This is usually a red flag for me- one I've learned means I've lost focus and vision in my daily life.

This was my day yesterday...wondering desperately what I am living for, wondering if I am really doing anything with my life at all.

These times are good for me- not the listless part- but the reassessing of goals and values.  I sat down.  Made a list of who I am, who I want to be, what the most important things are to me.  I prioritized them.  My list looked something like this:

1.  Fear and enjoy God, get to know him better.
2.  Love and serve my husband, and get to know him better too!
3.  Love, train, school and have fun with my 3 kids
4. Serve at church and build into relationships there
5. (and somewhere in all this, find time for things like training the dog, cleaning the house, exercising, family and relationships...)

I ask myself if my daily choices support these priorities- often they do, partially.  Often somethings need to be put back in their right order.  But mostly, what I realize is that even though my day is full of seemingly mundane things- laundry, disciplining, cooking meals, yard work...over all I AM doing something with my life- and not just something, but something that has value and worth.  

Not all things of value and worth- are epic, exciting, or adventurous in the moment.  Often they can be grueling, requiring patience and endurance.  But when we step back to look at the big picture- we can see progress.  We can see the epic-ness in the whole thing.  And it gives us the energy to keep going.

Declare your power...

My pastor shared this verse last weekend and it really struck me in regards to my parenting:

"Do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come." Psalm 71:18

This is my prayer right now, especially as I see my oldest child begin to grapple with questions deeper and more involved than, "Can I have this toy?"  She is wondering about what it means to die, where heaven is, why we get old, where the mountains came from, and why people do mean things.  It is easy as a parent to skim over these questions.  In my exhaustion I want to put her off till another day.  And honestly, I don't know how to answer all her questions.  But the bible does.

My prayer is that God allows me to declare Him to the next generation, the next line in our family, the ones that will take the torch on when our time has long since passed.  And that in the midst of the highs and lows, the busy times and slow, the holidays and visitors and sickness and silliness, that I would not forget to declare Him through it all.

Firsts

We made the decision awhile ago to home school our kids.  And this process officially begin this week.

It felt a little like jumping off into an unknown pool, of unknown size and temperature.  For weeks I stood at the edge, knowing looking wasn't going to make it any better.  One of these days I was going to have to just jump off.

What was so hard?  Well, I'll be honest.  While for some mothers sending their kids off to school meant hours of quiet time, additional time for exercise and coffee dates, etc.   For me it meant more death to my own selfishness.  ( Not that sending your kids to school doesn't require sacrifice.  You sacrifice having them near you, you sacrifice time driving and dropping off and packing lunches and making their homework happen. ) In reality I thought I had already denied enough parts of myself.  I had given my time, my hobbies, my body, and not kept much in reserve.  But we are always called to sacrifice that one more level.

Now, in the mornings school must come first.  Play dates and errands and even cleaning would have to be given up if necessary to make school happen.  Otherwise we would never stay on schedule.  "What I want to do" was now even further down on my "todo" list.  To say a part of my heart was and is reluctant might be an understatement.

Earlier in the week, as I was preparing for school I also encountered my first "what am I thinking?  Can I really educate my child?"  I was supposed to iron on a label on a bag for our reading curriculum and it wouldn't work.  My good friend, Christine can attest to my confusion.  All I kept thinking was, "I cannot iron on a stupid label, how on earth am I going to actually teach the curriculum?"

Well, so you all know.  The first week was fun, smooth, and successful.  Anibel stopped me every few minutes the first day to say, "I am having SO MUCH FUN!" And I find that little bit of freedom I had to give up, isn't really missed at all.  And I did finally get that stupid label on the bag...

The horse is made ready for the day of battle,

but victory rests with the Lord.

Proverbs 21:31

The More... (Emotions; Part 1)

Chris lovin' on me by taking me to Sea World!

I've been learning a lot about emotions lately.  Mostly through my failure to recognize the wild beast that they are and go to battle. Rather I lay down and let them dominate me.

Offhandedly, Chris said, "The more you love, the more you love...ya know?"

When Chris mentioned this to me, I have to admit, I didn't know... at all.  So he explained:  "The more you love (verb), the more you love (adjective)."

Sort of profound.  What comes out of my husband's mouth astounds me lots of the time.  In a good way. We spend so much time expecting some sort of emotional feeling to drive our actions.  No wonder marriages fizzle.  But my husband just spent the last month and a half lovin' on me.  He has given me love notes and gifts. Taken me out for dinner.  Taken me to San Diego on a weekend getaway.  And he sums up his end of the experience like this.  "The more time I spend lovin' on you, and thinking about how to love on you, I fall more and more in love with you." I think God designed us this way.  We were never intended to be passive receivers but rather active participants.

I need to practice this more.  With my husband.  With my kids.  With my neighbors.  If I want to love (adjective) someone more, I need to love (verb) them more. And honestly... I need a whole bunch of help when it comes to loving people.

Crossed lines

There are many things I expected about having a puppy.  I expected to loose precious items to his incessant need to chew.  I expected to pick up poop and clean up accidents.  I expected to take time and time again to train the kids on how to act and play with him.  What I didn't expect was to learn some very basic things about how I parent my kids based on how to train a dog.


For the 48 hours after Kai came into our home, we were googling nearly every article imaginable about training dogs. (I love that my spell check recognizes the word "googling".) And over and over they talking about positive reinforcement... excessively praising their successes.  Now I've heard this before- in line with both dogs and kids.   But as I've been working hard to praise the dog- it has crossed over to me naturally praising our kids more when I see something good.  And their response has told me two things: 1. Praise wins their hearts in a way discipline never can.  2. My kids don't get nearly enough of it.

Here is what I naturally do in my flesh.  Kid makes a mistake- one that usually makes some work for me- like spilling milk all over the floor.  I sigh, complain about having to clean it, try to make them clean it, get frustrated at how poorly they do it, then berate them for their clumsiness. I top it all off with stabbing verbal reminders all day for their one failure that morning in the kitchen.  Gross, eh? And not at all a living example of the gospel.

So I am learning somethings from owning a dog-  to praise my kids more. And when they make mistakes, to let them go in love.  After all- that is what Jesus does to us everyday.

Erickson Offspring Stats

I find this amusing:

Anibel: 29 lbs, 5yrs
Abishai: 35 lbs, 3.25 yrs
Esme: 20 lbs 1.5 yrs
Kai: 12 lbs, 10 weeks

Of course Kai isn't really offspring.  Adopted offspring of the canine species.

Slow Cooker Pulled Pork - Part 2

You have made a whole crock pot of pulled pork or chicken.  Now what do we do with all of it?  Because this recipe isn't overly BBQ or seasoned strongly- it works in a variety of ways. Here are some ideas I have explored...and loved.

Simple Pulled Pork and Coleslaw Sandwich :
Pulled Pork/chicken
Buns/Hogies
BBQ Sauce of choice
Coleslaw of choice

Layer on bun, add sauce, enjoy!

BBQ Pork Burritos :
Pulled Pork/chicken
BBQ sauce
Tortillas
Verde Salsa
Shredded Cheddar
Sour Cream
Black Beans (optional)

Mix 1 T. of BBQ sauce in with 1 cup pulled pork.  Layer in tortilla with salsa, cheese, sour cream and beans.  Pan sere for crispy outside.


Chicken Lettuce Wraps (adapted from P.F. Chang recipe)
Pulled Pork/chicken
3 T olive oil
2/3 cup mushrooms, chopped
1 cup water chestnuts, chopped
3 T chopped onion
1 clove minced garlic
Iceberg lettuce leaves

Stir fry sauce:
2 T soy sauce
2 T brown sugar
1/2 tsp. rice wine vinegar

Mix sauce ingredients.  Heat oil in pan.  Saute mushrooms, onion and garlic.  Add pork and stir fry sauce.  Cook for 5 minutes.

Special Dipping Sauce 
Mix ingredients below:
1/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup water
2 T soy sauce
2 T rice wine vinegar
2 T ketchup
1 T lemon juice
1/8 tsp. sesame oil

Add up to 1 T. hot mustard and 1-2 tsp. garlic and red chili paste if you like.  Makes roughly 4 servings.

Roll the stir fry mixture in a lettuce leaf and dip in sauce.  Definitely my favorite!

Enchiladas:
Pulled Pork/chicken
Olive oil
Corn tortillas
1 can green enchilada sauce
1 can red enchilada sauce
Cheddar cheese

Lightly brown tortillas in olive oil.  Roll small amount of pulled pork into tortillas.  Repeat until casserole dish is full.  Mix red and green sauces and pour over the top.  Top with cheese.  Bake for 20 minutes at 350 degrees.

Slow-Cooker Pulled Pork (or chicken) - One of my biggest mommy meal secrets...

So here is the deal:  I am about to share one of my favorite recipes and definitely my most used one.  It is primarily for pork but I used chicken this last week and it rocked.  The best thing about this recipe?  You can make it in mass quantity and freeze it for  later.  And the next best thing? I have at least 4 variations on how to serve this meat- from chicken lettuce wraps to burritos to your classic BBQ sandwich.  The root recipe comes today.  I'll share the variations tomorrow.

1 cup cider vinegar
3 T sugar
1 1/2 T hot red-pepper flakes
1 (3lb) boneless pork loin - I've used up to 7lb.
1 onion, chopped
8 cloves garlic, halved
1/2 cup water
2 T Dijon mustard
2 T honey (I omit)
1 T Worcestershire sauce
Salt and Pepper

Mix cider vinegar, sugar and hot pepper flakes in small bowl, set aside.  Put in 2/3 onion and garlic halves in bottom of crock pot.  Place salted and peppered meat in crock pot.  Put rest of onion and garlic on top.  Pour vinegar mixture over meat.  Add water and cook for 5-8 hours.  Shred the meat with a fork, as mustard, honey and Worcestershire and mix.  Let cook for 5 more minutes and serve!

Kai

Us Ericksons have been puppy owners now for 36 hours.  And we feel a little like we have a newborn in the house again!  If anyone wants to test out the waters of what it is like to take care of and train a child- start with a dog!

The first day was tentative.  Kai was hesitant, afraid, easily spooked, refusing to eat anything and slept most the time.  Honestly, Chris and I were worried.  Is something wrong?  Yesterday we turned the sprinklers on and saw a little life return to him.  Dinner went better.   He is out in the backyard with me right now chasing a ball around and attacking the grass.  I was thrilled to see him come out of his shell and start to enjoy himself!  And then I thought about how funny it is that we get such a kick out of something like a dog enjoying itself under our care and love.  How much more do I know this is true with my kids!

And as I sat here, the sun rising slowly pink, the air cool and refreshing in the midst of hot summer. I was thinking about how we are made in God's image.  And a piece of that means his heart for his children is much like ours...only so much more so.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11


"I will rejoice over Jerusalem and take delight in my people;" Isaiah 65:19


I spend so much of my time believing God intends evil for me.  Wants life to be hard. Wants me to have to overcome obstacles and so introduces them into my life.  But I rarely give thought to how much God gets a kick out of it when I finally relax and begin to enjoy myself.  I imagine He's sitting "up there" enjoying his morning cup of Holy Spirit, watching me watch our new puppy.  And loving the whole experience...

Invest in fun!

Maybe with three kids I am now starting to feel all grown up...and even a bit old.  Maybe I really am just getting wiser. Or more foolish.  I am not really sure.

As we added to our little flock I noticed, and my husband too, that I was subtracting daily from my smile total.  At the time I actually said, "I am too tired to have fun." And having a newborn can be a bit like that. Recently we have been investing in more fun.  For the longest time we believed anything fun or extravagant was being foolish with our money.  And maybe it is, according to some.  Like buying a sturdier, bigger, and more expensive swingset so that Chris and I could swing too.  Chris said, "If we are having swings, I intend on using them."

And I love our new addition!  And I love using them.  But...I think our kids love it the most.

Be Willing To Go - My Marriage (part 3)

Here is the thing I've noticed about mothering. Okay, maybe two things...okay maybe three. I'll try to limit it to three: 1. It is hard and tiring. 2. With it comes an unhealthy dose of worrying. 3.These two things can take over your whole life.

This spring I made a choice: to be willing to go or do some of the things Chris wants to do. Not just let him go alone, but go with and do it with him.

As I am about to enter my fifth year of being a mom,I've realized how much I have imprisoned myself by just not being willing. I am tired. I am up most nights at least once. After we crossed into the world of three kids, I ended each day feeling as though I ran a marathon. There is little or no down time. So Saturday would roll around, Chris would come up stairs with a slightly envisioned smile and suggest we go to this new climbing spot he read about or go for a hike, or drive to the mountains, etc. He wanted to go on an adventure and he wanted to take his family along with.

And my response? I am too tired. I don't want to deal with cranky kids who don't get their naps. That sounds like a lot of work. Then I would move onto previously mentioned (#2) : Well, how exposed is this hike, how far is the approach to the climb? What if they fall off a mountain? What if they get bitten by a snake (I have a thing with snakes.) And my mind would fill with all sort of images of my kids being swept downstream or teetering on the edge of a cliff. And soon my 1. tiredness and 2. worry would take over my life, my mothering, and most significantly my wife-ing (if I can make up that word). I wasn't willing to go and I was, therefore, missing a part of my husbands heart.

Recently, I've jumped in with the adventure mentality and I've seen Chris come alive in ways I never expected. And myself as well. I am learning to have fun again. And yes, it can be a lot of work. And sometimes you look at each other at the end of the day and say, "well, that didn't work." But often you find things you love to do as a family. And you find creative ways to make things work. And you and your partner learn how to work as a team in accomplishing these things. And every now and again, you get chased off a climb by swirling black clouds and rock breaking lightening, run down the mountain to get out of the fierce downpour, climb into your warm car, look at each other through dripping hair and muddied hands and say, "Lets get outta here!"... with a huge smile on both of your faces.

We were talking about this one day and I said, "I think as a mom it is hard to want to go cause it is so much work. I think most mom's are not willing and continually tell their man, 'no'." Chris responded by saying, "You have no idea...that is exactly what happens, all the time."

I was at a marriage retreat this last march and the pastor's wife asked the question, "Who do you want to be for your husband?" She answered, "I want to be the one who will run away with him." I so resonated with this. Cause when I look back at my daily dealings with Chris, often what I am being (or trying to be) is his caretaker/mother(yikes)/maid/friend/co-worker/bookkeeper/task manager. But who do I WANT to be? I want to be his partner in crime. The one who runs off with him on some crazy and wild adventure. So now I am trying to start acting like that person. And now I would ask you, who do you want to be for your husband? And are your actions in line with that?

"Adapt and Overcome"

This post is in honor of my good friend Jenna and one of her mantras that has and will forever stick with me.

"Adapt and overcome."

I had one of those days today. I woke up Abishai early to get him on the potty, got the kids all dressed, fed and watered and rushed out the door to get to bible study. I was mentally ticking off my massive todo list for the day, culminating in picking Chris up from the airport and going to small group.

But as I turned the key in the ignition I heard nothing, and then the dreaded clicking... Dead. The van was dead. I called Chris, who, surprise surprise, could do very little to help 500 miles away. I knocked next door, no answer. I consoled Anibel who was in tears over the car breaking...and then proceeded to have my own little tear fest. To which my ever so sympathetic son asked, "Mom, why you crying?"

But through it all I had these words resonating in my mind. "Adapt and overcome." It might be the end of my todo list, but it is not the end of my world. And if I didn't let it- it didn't have to spell the end of my day. So, in dysfunctional style, I scrapped my list, and headed to the plant nursery. Where I loaded up one dogwood bush, a bunch of pansy's, and 3 cubic feet of compost next to Ezzie in the double jogger. I left the nursery employees asking where I lived (hopefully close) and wishing me well for my journey home.

But we made it. I took a little frustration out by ripping out the dead bushes in front of the house and replanting the flower bed. The kids had a blast "helping" and getting all sorts of dirty. And we had a successful and fun day.

As an aside, I was blessed by my friend Jessica stopping by and helping me jump the car. So all in all? It was a day adapted to... and overcome. I need to remember this more often.