We are THAT family...

I don't know when it happened...but somewhere along the line we became that family. You know, the one that is slightly dysfunctional and out of touch with the rest of society.

It must have began on our first anniversary. Chris and I went out to a five star restaurant. We followed the host to our seats and Chris jumped in front of me and pulled out the chair. Instead of recognizing his act of chivalry, I said, "Oh, do you want that seat? OK." And moved to the other side. He had to explain to me that he was trying to pull out my chair for me, much to the host's amusement. This is where we coined the term, "YeeHaws." Cause we looked like a bunch of "YeeHaws."

Fast forward 6 years. We are getting ready for a wedding. Chris tells the kids he is going to wear a suit and we ask Abs to run and get ready. Minutes passed and he returned...with his Captain America outfit. "Suit" to our kids apparently means, "super-suit."

Then Anibel and Ezzie come out, in their cute little "princess" dresses and Bells asks, "do these match?" These being her flip flops. That is when I realized I must say yes. Cause the truth is, we don't have dress shoes. So there we were, with one good looking Dad, two girls all dressed up but in flip flops and Abs in Keen sandals...cause they are the nicest shoes he owns. I figured Keens were better than flashing tennis shoes. And me? Well...I had those dress shoes, I slipped them on, made it five minutes standing and wore my own flip flops to the reception. Looks like I can't even handle high heels anymore!

I did it again...damnit!

Mother's Day. I sort of dread the day. Every year I feel placated. Almost as though everyone tries to spoil you one day a year to make up for the other 364 days you sacrifice over and over. Instead of  feeling like I was "made much of", I feel like the world has boxed me up into a Hallmark card and made little of me.

Last week I had a yoga instructor say to the class, "No one is ever happy by focusing on themselves." Honestly I was a little surprised. Isn't the classic yoga trend to become more at one with yourself? Focus inside? [I usually ignore it.] But this time I liked my teacher's take on the world. And maybe that is really why I cringe on Mother's Day, cause I spend all day thinking about myself...

Today I woke up. And instead of going about my normal routine, this time I was thinking, "Why am I making the coffee this morning? Now I am doing the dishes from last night and starting breakfast. Oh, you want your new toy opened? Well I want [insert the long list of what I want]...." My inner monologue was just plain ugly.

What gets me the most is: I fall for it every year! Like the Cover Girl slogan "Because you are worth it", I buy into the lie that it is about me, that I need to take care of myself, that I am used and abused and unappreciated. And I leave the day feeling...victimized.

But here is what God had to say to me this morning:
"He who fashioned the hearts of them all and observes all their deeds." Ps 33:15
He sees me. Like Hagar I struggle a lot with "being seen." I feel invisible most of the time. I wonder if God has forgotten me. If He notices me. Yes...he does. Even when no one else does. And honestly, with a bunch of kids almost smack in the middle of the toddler years, I think it is safe to say my kids don't really notice a whole lot of what I do. Well...until I don't do it and then insert the fussy, "Mooommmy!"

But God sees.

God then dished out a piece of my own advise:
"I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me." Ps. 13:6
Here is His response to me feeling like the victim: I have dealt bountifully with you. This is my same response to my daughter when she is particularly negative...I ask her to tell me 5 things she is thankful for or glad in. God turned it in my face. Sometimes I think He glories in the irony. In fact, I am sure he does. Almost as if to say, "Yes, Alyssa, your life is SO hard! You have an amazing, supportive, Christ loving husband who pursues your heart. You have three beautiful, HEALTHY, fun, imaginative, smart, silly kids. You have a dysfunctional puppy that lives to make you happy. A great house. A wonderful church. Financial blessings that let you stay home, home school your kids, eat out on occasion, rock climb, have a gym membership, get new cloths, live in Utah, ski, camp, and bless others financially. In the last two days you have camped, hiked, enjoyed a s'more, gotten your hair cut, had a pedicure, watched Avengers, and gone out for pizza. Yes, a hard life." This is where I imagine he flashes that crooked, silly grin that my husband often shines at me when I am being ridiculous.

So, while I started this Mother's Day in an ugly place, I am ending it "acting like a princess," as I tell my daughter when her attitude has changed for the good. And I owe this all to my great God, who gently corrected my warped mind and led me down the better path.

Four Years of Abishai

We now have a super hero in our household. Everyone might think this is great. After all, they do their best to keep you safe at all times. But there is a side affect to all the hero business: loud crashes, exploding fire balls, flying shoes, impenetrable armour, none stop action, and an arsenal of weapons.

Let us just say, this family's four year old super hero is now stocked up with everything he might ever need to fight the bad guys after his Birthday.

Ode to the wind!

To the wind in Moab last week, a toast!