It felt a little like jumping off into an unknown pool, of unknown size and temperature. For weeks I stood at the edge, knowing looking wasn't going to make it any better. One of these days I was going to have to just jump off.
What was so hard? Well, I'll be honest. While for some mothers sending their kids off to school meant hours of quiet time, additional time for exercise and coffee dates, etc. For me it meant more death to my own selfishness. ( Not that sending your kids to school doesn't require sacrifice. You sacrifice having them near you, you sacrifice time driving and dropping off and packing lunches and making their homework happen. ) In reality I thought I had already denied enough parts of myself. I had given my time, my hobbies, my body, and not kept much in reserve. But we are always called to sacrifice that one more level.
Now, in the mornings school must come first. Play dates and errands and even cleaning would have to be given up if necessary to make school happen. Otherwise we would never stay on schedule. "What I want to do" was now even further down on my "todo" list. To say a part of my heart was and is reluctant might be an understatement.
Earlier in the week, as I was preparing for school I also encountered my first "what am I thinking? Can I really educate my child?" I was supposed to iron on a label on a bag for our reading curriculum and it wouldn't work. My good friend, Christine can attest to my confusion. All I kept thinking was, "I cannot iron on a stupid label, how on earth am I going to actually teach the curriculum?"
Well, so you all know. The first week was fun, smooth, and successful. Anibel stopped me every few minutes the first day to say, "I am having SO MUCH FUN!" And I find that little bit of freedom I had to give up, isn't really missed at all. And I did finally get that stupid label on the bag...
The horse is made ready for the day of battle,
but victory rests with the Lord.