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Saturday, April 7, 2012

Enough is enough

What is enough?

I am going to be honest. [I think I start a lot of posts this way.] But I don't get enough of Jesus. And it is my own fault most of the time. Now I know that in some proverbial way we can never get enough of Jesus. But spending time in prayer, reading the bible, meditating on his truths? We don't have to. But if I am loving Jesus I will want to. As a mom I often find myself at a loss. A loss of time. A loss of wakefulness. A loss of...shall I even say sanity sometimes?

Let me explain. This is what my mornings look like. Most of the time.
I sleep.
Until I hear the kids stirring or more than stirring...whipping around their rooms in a flurry of clothing, toys, and giggles.

And the other mornings? I wake early. I want time with God. Time in the quiet. AND... one of the kids hears me get up and they get, and they get up the others. And I ask them to go back to their rooms till I get them. And one of the three ends up needed a little more help obeying...

Or this morning. I woke up at 6:05am. No kids stirring this time. I tip-toed downstairs, grabbed my bible and started some much needed coffee. I sit down in my favorite comfy chair AND I notice a pile of puppy vomit on the carpet two feet in front of me. He ate one of the kids socks again and somehow I missed seeing it in the dim-light of dawn. I cannot ignore the vomit. I get up to clean it. I am amazed once again at the number of things that can thwart my time with God. [I did get some good reading in after that, all tinged with the smell of gross doggy stomach contents.]

So I am wondering this morning, how on earth I get enough of Jesus. Or even a little more of Him. When it sometimes feels as though all of life is making it impossible. Ya know? I would love to hear other Mom's thoughts. I've even begun, somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind, to give up.

But I have been thinking about one thing. As a mom I cannot compartmentalize my walk with God. Meaning, if I believe that praying, reading my Bible, and doing "church things" is the only way to know God more and experience him, then by the end of my grueling years as a mom, there might not be any real love of Jesus left. Cause lets be honest, kids and households and life steals your time as a mom. And it seems that nearly everything involving kids is urgent. I have to learn to see God in and amongst my daily moments. Is Jesus somewhere in the vomit? Well maybe he isn't, but he can certainly redeem it. Can I find Jesus in the mountains on my drive to the store, in the small conversations with my kids, in the cooking of dinner or the packing for vacation. Can I find Jesus in decisions made with my husband, hiking, exercising, or doing laundry? He should be in those things, right? He MADE those things, right?

So that is what I am thinking about this morning, as the sun slowly brightens the Wasatch sky. The Wasatch, those mountains that are slowly becoming mine. And as the vomit smell slowly dissipates.

The kids will start stirring soon. I hope I can help them to see Jesus in ALL of life to.

1 comment:

  1. I'm right there with you, friend, and have been wrestling with this very thing a lot recently. Almost every teaching about prayer and maturity in the Christian life touches on the importance of time with God. That's right, time. Time reading, talking and pondering with God. Sure that sounds awesome. But it just isn't a practical reality right now. The one thing I do not have right now is time. What I do have is moments. God is helping me see how precious these moments are and how He longs to meet me in them. The question is, do I let Him? I don't really think I do most of the time if not at all. Everything else seems to be more important and warring for my attention. It is so exhausting. I often rank the success of my day by how orderly and organized it ends. By how neat and tidy and obedient my children are. By how smoothly school went. NOT by how much God has been present in my day. I should be considering a day a success when God has increased and I have decreased for His glory and His alone. How to get there? I have no idea! And here lies a big struggle for me to daily, moment by moment, choose Christ and Him crucified over Hilary and her precious selfish desires that are fleeting and withering. So when the vomit and whirring children keep you away from your quiet early morning moment with God, know that I am right there with you addressing my own. At least we can try to get there together. I love doing this mommying-thing beside you!