I go to church and I think, "Wow. Everyone here has it all together."I go to the store and I think, "Wow. That mom looks great and seems so happy."
I read other blogs and I think, "Wow. They are so wise, so witty, so verbose..."
I look at facebook and I think, "Their life is SO cool."
And then I think, "I wonder if people read my blog or go to my facebook and think, 'She has it all together, her life is So cool.'"
Now maybe you don't. And you probably would be wise in thinking that.
But if you do, this one is for you. Cause a venue - such as a blog- can present a polished appearance. So let me scratch it up a bit.
Cause I don't want anyone thinking I have it pulled together or I know it all or my life is perfect...cause then I wouldn't need Jesus, would I? I hope you don't misread this- it is not a pity fest. Just an assessment of reality:
I sometimes don't get out of my pajamas till noon. Often, I put cleaning the house before the training of my kids. I have become so outraged over my daughters refusal to eat a noodle that I launched a 2"x4" through our screened in patio. Yes, that is right, my adult temper couldn't handle my toddler's willfulness. (Chris just sat there in stunned silence.) I've often thought I'd be happier if I looked different. I can't even count on my hands the number of times I have heard the kids crying at night and I pretended to sleep through it so Chris would get up. (Sorry, Love.) And I cannot count the other number of times I stomped loudly off to see what was wrong with the crying kid, so Chris would be sure to get the message... I've manipulated. I've refuse to say I was sorry. I've kept the kids down for naps a little longer just so I could watch a TV show. I've blame shifted. I've doubted whether putting the effort into parenting was worth it. I've sincerely contemplated whether one of my kids was possessed by a demon. I've been embarrassed by my kid's tantrum at the store. I've been embarrassed by my subsequent tantrum in the parking lot where I thought no one would notice. I've said many of the things we swear we'll never say to our kids, and judge others who do say them...like, "Because I said so," or "What is wrong with you?" or "being your mommy is hard and not fun." (yes, I said that and have prayed I would never even think it again.) I've thrown myself on the floor in a pile of tears. I've actually asked my son to try to not spill anything ever again. So I guess we can add placing unrealistic expectations on others to the list...
I want to be real, with whoever is out there reading this. I am not perfect. I cannot even do the basic daily things in life (like feed my kids some noodles) without sinning, or without the help of Jesus. And that is the truth. That is me "getting real."
"For I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me." Gal. 2:20