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Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Who helps who?

This post might be very controversial in certain circles. But some of these thoughts have been swirling around in my head for quite awhile and changing my life, parenting and marriage for that same while...

Last weekend I attended a woman's conference and one speaker was talking about how to organize and maintain a home. Good topic. Hard practicals. But what struck me most was one question during the "Q&A time." The woman asked (after dialogue about assigning chores to the kids), " Does your husband have any chores?" Simple question. Loaded with meaning. What she means is: "why do we have to do all the work?" "what chores can I tell my man to do?" "This doesn't seem fair!"

As a young mom, especially after my first was born, I slipped into this pattern of expecting my husband to come home from work and jump immediately into helping me around the house. Cleaning, cooking dinner (after all I was nursing the baby), giving Bells a bath, letting me take a shower, etc.

I've seen other mom's struggle with this but in a different context. One mom asked this question: "How am I supposed to teach our kids to clean up their stuff, when my husband leaves his stuff lying around the house all the time?"

Here is the answer to all these questions: "But for Adam no suitable helper was found...Then the Lord made a woman." Genesis 2:20,22

We are supposed to be the helper. Now, yes, our husbands can and should help us in many ways. And I very often have to ask for help...respectfully. I am not going into that here. I am addressing OUR attitude. We are to help our husbands in whatever way God and they would have. As Moms we are to train our kids to pick up after themselves. As wives we pick up after our husbands out of love. All to easily we feel justified in nagging and demanding from our husbands. Our tired bodies and flaring hormones become an excuse to be lazy. And an excuse to live daily with an entitled attitude.

I need to remind myself to put others first. Daily this means serving my husband is more of a priority than my own ease or comfort. I am not good at this. I don't claim perfection. But I do need to quell any thought that originates from, "he needs to do more for me."

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