I must admit, of the last 12 years I have been following Jesus, about 7 of them have been spent asking myself this question, "Am I missing something?" I'd heard over and over of the joy to be found in Jesus. I'd read over and over of the overwhelming joy of our salvation and the peace found in Jesus. But daily I felt restless, empty, yearning and soul hungry. And all I could seem to say about it was, "What am I missing?"
I knew the world had nothing to offer. Truly I knew this, both in my head and in my heart. I also knew Jesus did hold something for me. But secretly I felt he was holding back, refusing to give me that little piece more. Withholding, for some reason, that which he freely gave to so many others.
As with most things, I learned I was wrong. And I am still learning that I am wrong. I read this today:
If you honor it [the Lord's day] by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words, then you will find your joy in the Lord, I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land..." (Isaiah 58: 13)
I think much of the time I have prayed and believed that if only I found my joy in the Lord, then it would empower me to walk away from sin and selfishness and THEN I would feel free to set aside my way and live only for God's ways. But I have the cart before the horse. It seems to suggest from this verse that if we honor God by not going our own way and not doing as we please, by setting aside our idols, THEN we will find our joy in the Lord. We cannot fully grasp God if we have one hand clinging to the world or to ourselves.